The Ultimate Death Sentence

How “What You Bring to the Table” Is Killing Love, Humanity, and Hope

Introduction: The Rise of Transactional Love

In today’s relationship landscape, a concerning trend has emerged: love has become increasingly transactional. Phrases like “What do you bring to the table?” and “A man must be…” dominate conversations, reducing relationships to checklists of material and superficial attributes. This shift reflects a departure from genuine connection, favoring tangible assets over intangible qualities like character and faith.


The Consequences: A Society in Crisis

This materialistic approach to relationships has far-reaching implications, particularly in South Africa, where gender-based violence (GBV) remains alarmingly prevalent. According to the South African Police Service, over 55,000 sexual offences were reported in the 2022/2023 period, with rape accounting for the majority of cases. The femicide rate is five times higher than the global average, with a woman being murdered by an intimate partner every eight hours .


These statistics underscore a society grappling with deep-seated issues, where the commodification of relationships may contribute to a culture that devalues genuine human connection and fosters environments where abuse can thrive.

Theological Perspective: Rediscovering Purpose in Relationships

From a Christian standpoint, relationships are designed to reflect God’s love and purpose. Scripture emphasizes the importance of inner qualities over external attributes. 1 Samuel 16:7 states, “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”


This perspective challenges the prevailing materialistic narrative, urging individuals to seek partners based on character, faith, and shared values rather than societal expectations or material possessions.

Conclusion: Embracing Authentic Connection


The prevailing “What & Must” mentality in modern relationships represents an ultimate death sentence to authentic love. By prioritizing materialism and societal expectations, we risk eroding the very foundation of meaningful connections.


To foster healthier relationships and a more compassionate society, we must shift our focus from external attributes to the intrinsic qualities that truly matter. By valuing character, faith, and mutual respect, we can cultivate relationships that reflect the depth and richness intended by divine design.


Call to Action:

Let us reevaluate our approach to love and relationships, moving beyond the superficial “What & Must” criteria. By embracing authenticity and aligning our relationships with values rooted in faith and character, we can combat the societal issues stemming from transactional love and build a foundation for enduring, meaningful connections.

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