“It’s the One You Gave Me”

 The Blame Game

From the very beginning of human history, blame has been a weapon in relationships. In the book of Genesis, when Adam is confronted by God for eating the forbidden fruit, his response is not ownership but deflection: “It’s the woman You gave me.” Eve follows suit, blaming the serpent. That ancient script is still being rehearsed today in marriages, dating, and even casual connections. The blame game has become the most convenient way to avoid accountability.


Blame in Modern Love

Fast forward to today, and the language may have changed, but the pattern hasn’t. Couples continue to pass the responsibility back and forth like a hot potato. When love fails, the finger rarely points inward; it almost always points outward.

1. The Bedroom Excuse

When women cheat, the justification often sounds like: “He wasn’t satisfying me.” When men stray, the line is flipped: “She wasn’t meeting my needs.” Instead of confronting broken communication, emotional disconnect, or selfishness, couples lean on sexual dissatisfaction as an escape hatch from accountability.


2. The Attention Deficit


Today’s world is fast-paced. Work, bills, kids, and stress pull couples in every direction. So when one partner cheats or drifts, the excuse is often:

  • “He was always watching soccer and ignoring me.”
  • “She was always on TikTok and had no time for me.”


The absence of attention becomes the perfect scapegoat. Yet attention is not stolen it’s nurtured. It’s a choice, not a default.



3. Social Media vs. Sports


For many women, “He gives all his time to football, not to me.” For many men, “She gives more attention to her phone than to us.” Social media and sports have become the new “serpent” in modern relationships always available to blame when intimacy fails.


4. Romance Replacement


Romance has also become a battlefield of blame. A woman might say: “My man never buys me flowers, never takes me out but someone else did.” A man might counter: “She never appreciates the small things I do, but someone else noticed.” What starts as unmet expectations easily morphs into accusations and infidelity justified by “lack of romance.”


5. Emotional Support Shortfall


Another common thread is the “You weren’t there for me” narrative. Partners blame one another for emotional unavailability:


  • “You don’t listen when I speak.”
  • “You dismiss my feelings.”
    Instead of addressing hurt, blame shifts the burden onto the other, leaving wounds untreated.

Why We Blame

Blame offers an illusion of innocence. It shields us from guilt, protects our pride, and allows us to avoid confronting uncomfortable truths about ourselves. But in love, blame doesn’t repair it corrodes. Where there is blame, there is little room for growth, forgiveness, or true intimacy.


Moving Beyond the Blame Game


Healthy love requires accountability. Instead of “it’s the one You gave me,” we need: “It’s me. I failed here.” Relationships thrive not when blame is traded like currency, but when responsibility is shared, and both partners commit to owning their actions.

Blame is easy. Responsibility is hard. But only one of the two builds love.

🔥 Closing Thought: The story of Adam and Eve teaches us that the blame game is humanity’s oldest habit. But in modern relationships, it’s still the quickest way to destroy love. Real maturity is saying, “I take responsibility and I choose to build, not break.”

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