For Richer, For Poorer: The Vow We’re Afraid to Make



Introduction

There was a time when “for richer, for poorer” was not a poetic line it was a warning. A declaration that love would be tested by seasons of lack as much as seasons of abundance. Today, that line remains in our wedding liturgy, but its meaning has quietly been emptied. Not because it is outdated but because it confronts a version of love we no longer want.

When Provision Becomes Proof

In modern relationships, love is increasingly measured by financial capacity. A man’s affection is assessed by what he can provide, while stability and lifestyle are mistaken for commitment. If provision slows or struggles, love itself is questioned. Even within Christian spaces, this thinking has taken root. Provision is not just expected it is presented as evidence of love. Yet Scripture never defines love by affordability. It defines it by sacrifice.

“Love is patient, love is kind… it does not insist on its own way” (1 Corinthians 13:4–5). Money can support love, but it was never meant to authenticate it.

How the Church Adopted the World’s Definition

Scripture warns believers not to be shaped by cultural norms but transformed by renewed minds (Romans 12:2). And yet, without noticing, the Church has absorbed a worldview where comfort outweighs covenant and consistency is valued only when it is convenient. We now disciple people to seek security before character, provision before perseverance. In doing so, we blur the line between biblical responsibility and cultural expectation.

The Quiet Disappearance of Costly Vows

This shift is perhaps most evident in how marriage vows are evolving. More couples are moving away from traditional vows, opting for softer, personalised language that celebrates feelings but avoids endurance. More troubling is that some pastors now bypass historic vows entirely. Phrases like “for richer, for poorer,” “in sickness and in health,” and “for better and for worse” are softened or omitted not because they lack relevance, but because they contradict modern definitions of love. These vows speak of inconvenience, loss, suffering, and waiting. They assume love will be tested. And that is precisely why we avoid them.

Yet Scripture tells us love “always perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13:7). Perseverance only matters when things fall apart.

Provision Is Biblical ,but Not Supreme

The Bible affirms responsibility and provision. “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives… has denied the faith” (1 Timothy 5:8). But provision was never designed to replace love only to flow from it. When provision becomes the primary measure of love, relationships become transactional. Affection becomes conditional. And covenant is reduced to sustainability.

“Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21). When money becomes the test, hearts are misaligned.

Christ: Love Without Conditions

Jesus did not demonstrate love through wealth or comfort. “Though He was rich, yet for your sake He became poor”

(2 Corinthians 8:9). His love was proven through obedience, sacrifice, and surrender even when it cost Him everything (Philippians 2:6–8). The early church thrived not through material abundance, but through devotion, shared burdens, and steadfast commitment (Acts 2:42). Love was lived, not displayed.

The Question We Must Face

This is not a rejection of ambition or stewardship. Scripture commends diligence (Proverbs 6:6–8). But when Christians redefine love through prosperity, we disciple people according to culture rather than Christ. Perhaps the more honest question is not:
“Can you afford to love me?”
but rather:
“Can you love me when provision fluctuates, when life becomes inconvenient, and when ‘poorer’ becomes real?” (Hebrews 13:5)

Closing Reflection

“For richer, for poorer” is not outdated. It is demanding. It calls for a kind of love that survives loss, not just success. If the Church continues to avoid this vow, we should not be surprised when commitment becomes fragile. Until we reclaim a biblical understanding of love, we risk raising a generation fluent in comfort but unfamiliar with covenant.

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